DON’T LET YOUR VOICE BE STOLEN

“Feminist” seems like a dirty word these days, as if being a feminist negates all the other things one is—or as if being a feminist means hating men (which I don’t—I’m married to one, have men who are good friends) but I’m using it because it’s most accurate: an advocate of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. (Thanks, Google.) Equality among human beings seems a reasonable thing to expect.

Growing up when I did (no, I’m not telling you when), the most important role models I had for how to be a woman came from the library, starting with Simone de Beauvoir’s autobiographies which I discovered the spring after I graduated from college. She spent her days discussing philosophy and writing in cafes, and even if, finally, Sartre treated her shabbily, she retained her integrity. How cool was that?

A book about Georgia O’Keeffe titled Art and Letters inspired me to buy a biography of her life with Stieglitz. Here was another woman who chose her own life over one prescribed for her by men, living apart from her husband because she could breathe in the southwest, but Lake George (and Stieglitz’s affairs and endless family) suffocated her. Somewhere in that book she says she was scared to drive out into the desert alone, but she did it anyway. It was good for her art.

These women forged their own paths, put their art and philosophy first, lived a public life. They didn’t make themselves smaller to fit into some man’s vision of them. They had confidence in their work, knew their worth. They weren’t worried that either God or the world or their neighbors approved of them; they just did what they had been made to do.

I sound like it’s still the 1970s and we’ve made no progress. But it’s not and we have—unless we allow our voices to be stolen again. And there are forces that want that—make no mistake. Take for example Pete Hegseth’s recent reposting of a comment that women shouldn’t vote or this list from Indivisible about all the ways women’s rights are being targeted and dismantled right now. I remember a conversation with my parents in which I asked who made the decisions in the marriage. They said my father did, but they talked about it together first. My (bratty, college-age, know-it-all) contention was that, if my mother agreed to the decision, they were making the decision together. It was a long argument. In fact, even though my father is gone, it’s probably still not over.

Each of us is a beautiful individual self—whatever form that takes. Each of us deserves a life rich with freely given love, an equality of opportunity, the possibility of happiness. No strongman can offer us that. We must create that ourselves, and it’s messy and complicated and takes a lifetime of effort. It means we must pursue our art and philosophy, and stand courageous in their defense. It’s scary to speak up—but if we don’t, they’ve already won. And it’s not just our voices but our agency, our work, our bodies and our bank accounts. No one can do it for us, but we are good at forming communities, and when we stand next to each other, it’s easier because we’re in it together.

Use your voice. Find the community that stands with you. Search out your role models. Be scared, but do it anyway. Everything is on the line.

One final note, just FYI: The French have apparently solved the stress-free life. Just buy it here:

Thanks for reading.

I’m always happy to hear from you!

SEPTEMBER EVENTS

Wednesday, September 24, 6:30 PM: Writers in Conversation: Poet Emily Hockaday and Novelist Christine Kandic Torres will talk about their work and the challenges of being a woman artist. I’m moderating! Come and bring your questions for what’s sure to be a lively discussion! Join us at the Norwalk Public Library, One Belden Avenue, Norwalk, CT.

And two from Norwalk’s new poet laureate Katie Schneider:

First Wednesdays 9/3, 10/1, and 11/5 from 6pm to 8pm: Norwalk Poets & Writers Nights on the patio at The Spread, Norwalk CT. These events will include a social hour, a 10-minute feature reading and Q&A, a writing prompt, brief time to write, and a brief time to share! It is designed to bring together poets AND writers of other genres for social fun and creative synergy! The features are fiction writer Chris Belden, poet Emily Cordes, and poet Shanna T. Melton. There are individual Eventbrite links here. Registration is free, but folks must register to attend for our headcount!

Saturday, September 27 from 6:30pm to 9:30pm, Equinox Poetry Showcase at Art Monster Studio, Norwalk, CT. An exciting evening to meet poets, catch 5 superstar showcase features, and have a limited walk-in open mic at one of the coolest places in the city! The features are diverse poetry stars from CT and NY: Monica Ong, Jerry Johnson, Dara Kalima, Sahmra Sawyer, and Nicole Caruso Garcia! It's gonna be awesome! The Eventbrite link is here. Registration is free, but folks must register to attend for our headcount! Tickets are already going fast!